I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
