at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
