Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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