after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
