u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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