you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
