Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
