I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it hurts more in the daytime
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
