there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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