Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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