she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need to calm my uterus...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
