New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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