Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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