If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
