i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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