She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
