I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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