You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it's great music for shaving your balls
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize