i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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