I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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