Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
