when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
