i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
