I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want a musical about memes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
