I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
