Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
