I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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