Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
