So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
