I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize