I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is it penis luge time yet?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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