In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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