I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
