Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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