Soap is not a condiment
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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