Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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