I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
