it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
