i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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