i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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