Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
