He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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