the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
