I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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