That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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