Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
