i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
