areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
