Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
