it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize