I heard we made out
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
