even my farts smell like vagina
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
