remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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