I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize