first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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