guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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