Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
