I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
