The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
