ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize