Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize