We won't sleep together?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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