i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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