So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
