i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
