Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
