Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
bring money and cleavage
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
