Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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