Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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