dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
