and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
