Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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