Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
