I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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