Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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