you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
