Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
