you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
