I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
