Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize