everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
