I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
