sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
