The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize