I swear she didn't look like that last week.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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