Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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