and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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